Thursday, 26 March 2009
the army has seven core values: loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, and personal courage. i am failing at least 6 of them currently, and all 7 if you dont think that sitting in my room all day is an honorable thing. since losing my fight with gravity, rocks and clear thinking, i have been sitting around. yes, you read that correctly. i am currently fighting the war on terror from my adorable little apple laptop.
day six of worthlessness started about an hour ago, and i feel better by the minute. not only does my leg still look like i drunkenly scratched a mosquito bite with a cheese grater, people actually feel sorry for me because of it. dont get me wrong, it still hurts like you wouldnt believe. but i am slipping through the military cracks and havent had a single thing to do for the better part of a week. i live in constant fear that someone will come give me something to do, but i have a sneaking suspicion that i will spend another 3-4 days sitting on my increasingly ample ass.
the only issue with this is that My Personal Quest For Fitness Perfection (MPQFFP) has been put on hold due to my inability to continue my cardiovascular workouts. MPQFFP doesnt require an acronym, but it really validates the whole process for me. i have recently gotten in good enough shape so that i dont cry when i look at myself in the mirror after a shower, and this is obviously a step in the right direction. according to my assessment of my progress, i should be the pinnacle of masculine perfection within the next 3 months. now it is up to 3 months and 6 days, thanks to my neverending amusement with finding glorious and often ridiculously silly ways in which to injure myself.
my current concern is not that i am letting my unit down, or even myeself. i am starting to worry that all of the tax-free dollars that american citizens are paying me to sit in iraq and blog about sitting in iraq will end up making a one-way trip to amazon or bestbuy.com (tally 6 bonus points from Rana for that one, and another 15 for dropping her name). amazing that since i was fighting this war in 2003, my biggest conerns here are finance- and boredom-related. anyone who says that this war is a quagmire just needs to talk to me; we have won it.
all of this typing has left my fingers a tad cramped, and i am growing quite tired. i think it might be time for an all-expense paid nap.