Friday, 20 March 2009

everything i know is wrong.

i'm writing because other people want me to. apparently the entertainment value of my blog is unequaled, and here i am writing because of peer pressure.

last night i got my legs caked with sweat and sand, my shoes filled with rocks while i ran, and a very dry mouth. in iraq, they call that 'soccer.' i'm used to playing on soft grass made up of 73% canadian goose shit, so this is a real departure from my athletic comfort zone. though the experience was a positive one, it was yet another wrench iraq has thrown into my assumed norms and soccer-related values.

some other pillars of life that deployed life here have shaken:

-chicken is no longer an enjoyable meal. it is the only thing you eat, and it is only cooked well 1 in 3 times.

-subway is considered 'fine dining,' and the subtlely delicious flavors are best enjoyed with a vintage Fanta or Diet Coke. the way your taste buds dance while enoying a 6-inch turkey on wheat is enough to deserve it's own blog altogether.

- a monster is not something you find in your bed. it is in your fridge, and in everyone else's. they keep people awake at night, but not from sheer terror, but from sugar highs and caffiene overload.

- cup o'noodles and ramen are not only consumed by poor college kids, but also by lazy deployed soldiers.

- fitness is not something to dabble in. it is a way of life, and taken to such and extreme that if you touch a cookie, you can expect to turn around and be met with 10+ deathstares and at least one comment about how you will weigh over 500 pounds as soon as you finish the treat. people drink muscle milk like it is water, and pop pills to get them bigger, smaller, more toned, stronger, better-looking, and possibly able to fly.

- air force girls are easy. i used to think of the air force as one of the more noble branches of service, but all they do is dry-hump each other in plain sight. they are not able to complete their mission here without messing things up at least 4 times an hour, most likely because they are secreting too many horomones to function like normal human beings.

- bunk beds arent just for kids, they also attempt to house many 6-foot plus soldiers who barely fit on them even while knotted into the fetal position.

- sunglasses arent a fashion statement or to block out the sun, they are 'eye-protection' and they are to be worn at all times in case a small meteorite somehow makes it to earth and is aimed right for one of your peepers. other than that, they are cumbersome and useless.

as you can tell, some things defy conventional wisdom when deployed. i can't wait to get back to my 'real world,' where i have the freedom not to wear a hat whenever i'm outside, or have to clear my weapon before eating a meal. sigh.


  1. Good stuff...keep 'em comin


  2. i don't think subway is that far of a stretch from the fine queso you usually enjoy

  3. oh yeah and do one of those air force girls it might boost your spirits