it's not a race, it's a tour.

a few days ago, i volunteered my team (which consists of myself and another soldier) to pick up the unit replacing us at the helicopter pad. i helped them throw all of their bags and gear onto my bus, and then took my seat facing the rear of the vehicle. i knew this unit was from the midwest, but as my eyes took in the faces staring back at me, i realized that these people weren't from the corn belt; they were the children of the corn, all grown up. the sea of blonde hair specked with blue eyes was amazing to me.

the unit i am in is quite diverse. i represent about 47% of the white male population in my unit (and that's not a crack at my size, either). this tidal wave of caucasians that washed over our base is incredible. no longer will i be chastised for my lack of skin and the jokes about my parents being albinos will be directed elsewhere.

i knew it was time for me to head home when i introduced my shin to the metal rail under my bunk the other day. as i winced in pain, my first reaction was to yell out an obscene word... in spanish. lots of my army friends speak spanish, and i can muster up a few key phrases if need be, but i have no business exclaiming displeasure in the language of Taco Bell. this event troubled me to my core and made me realize that it is time for me to be honest with myself: i am finally worldly and urbane. knowing curses in 4 languages and being able to use them at the drop of a hat (or crack of a tibia) means that i have really come into my own as a person.

i hate to sound like a typical white person, but most of my closest friends in the army are hispanic and black. of the 6 guys to whom i am most attached, only 1.5 of us are white. this has given me new perspective on my culture (white people are douchebags), insight into how white people are viewed (total F-ing douchebags), and how white people can help the world in general (stop beings such bags of douche). i have spent many sleepless nights pondering the finer points of these revelations, and come to the conclusion that our differences make us interesting.

before you roll your eyes and close the web page after reading that horribly obvious statement, think about the following: aside from the military, it is very rare for races and religionsto be forced to get along, work together, and co-habitate for such extended periods of time. it is one of my favorite parts of being in the army, and the new slang terms i have learned have already proven quite valuable. i wish it were as easy to garner this sort of varied comraderie outside of the army, but this unique situation makes it all the more valuable for me.

recap - i have a little bit of dominican in me, obama zien, doncha know.

author's note: when asked to critique the portion of this entry regarding other race's views on white people, my friend Codename "Gemini" offered this gem:

"well if half of them would get their nose out the air they could see that they are being douche bags. that said, i still like to play in the snow every now and then."

perfection.